So my birthday was the other day, although I've delayed enjoying it till the weekend.

Still, another year has passed, and I get to take a moment to look back and think about how much older and wiser I've surely become.

I think I can chalk up "older" as a sure thing, but I'd think "wiser" has some truth to it as well.

Certainly I'm feeling more centered than I was last year at this time, and my vision of the future is a more planned out than I ever thought it would be.

And yet again the last year has driven home the point that you learn very little from the good things in life, but the unpleasant parts can be ruthlessly educational.

So I scared my coworkers and boss by telling them I'd be traveling to Michigan with a stranger and then never contacting them to say I was okay.

Kind of touching that they were thinking about calling up people I knew on facebook just to find out how dead I was.

Then again, as the only artist on the staff I guess they can't afford to have me go dying on them.

...

Eh, felt like I had a ton of stuff to rant about, but I'm tired so I'll mark it down on my arm at some point later.

Enjoy some strange fruits in the meantime.

I love my ibook but having half the screen constantly flickering is really distracting.



So!

I've decided how I am to go about my concept art post graduation lifestyle!

The main deterrent from graduate school is the cost, but I've found a wonderful alternative.

Concept Art's Atelier!

It's a school that was founded only a few years back by some of the leading concept artists of our time with a tuition cost of $600 a month.

It has a rolling admission and new people are let in when the old people leave for jobs or graduate after a two year stint.

From all accounts it is insanely competitive to get in as it is a very small school, and the workload is ridiculous.

For two years the only thing you do is learn how to do concept art and study to be better technically, socializing is done in the context of further learning your craft, and upon graduation you have been forged into something truly awesome.

However, the way they can assure you really are going to be awesome leaving is by only accepting people they think are awesome, or potentially awesome, going in.

Between the small window of opportunity to be chosen and the very large amount of skilled people applying it is not likely that I will be accepted anytime soon.

But this is okay, as it allows me to keep working in the field, while continuing to update my application to the school, until the day comes that I'm good enough to be allowed in.

I figure it will be a few years at least. Hopefully I will get accepted just as I've become tired of shopping my portfolio around for less pay than I would like, or for doing jobs that hold no interest.

It's a plan!

After spending some time talking with Zach I again realize how much of a self centered know it all egoist I am/come across as.

There is nothing that I have heard of that I do not have an opinion on, there is no problem that I will not give advice to, and I am absolutely convinced that life will continue to get better for me no matter what failings I have/encounter.

Happily I can say that I have few emotional problems, but pathologically I sure do have some quirks.

However!

This defect is probably one of the better things I have going for me.

I have been told by teachers and friends that it is healthy to be afraid of the future, and have been admonished for living a sheltered life as well as being naively optimistic.

But to live optimistically while still being motivated, this seems to be the best path one could take.

Oh!

Awesome things = have a place to live upon graduation for six hundred a month/ no utilities, and my internship has started paying me 19 an hour!

Jess was showing me some of the artists she has bookmarked and I had to refrain from grinding my teeth in both admiration and intimidation.

I've always been aware that there's a seemingly infinite number of superior artists out there, but the internet goes out of its way to show you *how* superior they really are.

If I drew because I wanted to impress others or I drew because I thought the world needed what I was doing I would have given up by this point.

Thankfully I draw for the purely self serving reason that I enjoy it immensely.
And it's nice how the most compelling reasons for doing things are usually selfish ones.

...

Actually selflessness is something I've been finding more annoying recently. Or, rather "selflessness".

I have no problem with people being nice or giving to charity or helping out if they feel that help is needed in any situation.

But to do something that is "selfless" only because you feel that you need to is tiresome.

To do it because you feel that someone else will be upset if you don't, or upset if you do, to compromise your own time or ambitions because it's the "right thing to do" just leads to built up resentment and passive aggressive behavior.

And stress is so overrated.

Feel like more is happening in my life and more is on my mind than has been in awhile, but per usual writing down concisely these matters is beyond me.

So I'll just say that everything is moving forwards in a very agreeable way.

also random images, bigger things to come when more photogenic.