Oosh. Just ended a workday that went from 5 pm - 12 am, and now I'm going to have to wake up in a few hours to do one from 8:30 am - 2 pm.

Not terrible by any means, but I become strangely tired during and after.

What I find funny is that people get so upset over how their own life is going, worrying and fretting about the tiniest things, and somehow manage to completely tune out all the truly terrible things that happen to those around them, especially when it comes to people they don't really know.

I guess everybody does it and there's no way around it, but a little perspective now and then would probably do us all a world of good.


to illustrate that point, here is something absolutely random.

Woke up at eight to go to work, worked till five (with a headache throughout), got home, fell asleep till nine, went to the city and watched a movie with my dad till twelve.

Really disjointed feeling. But wow. What an amazing nap. Just, wow.

The movie was about some adult teenagers and some teenage adults slumming around in L.A. Everyone came across as incredibly obnoxious and overbearing, and for the life of me I could not tell what the hell the movie was trying to get across.

The only person that was "punished" by the end of the movie was a slightly nice guy who was still fucking creepy at multiple parts thoughout the film. All the other characters, creepy, inane, immature, narcissistic... they all end up more or less the same at the end.

Apparently everyone lives in this eternal state of self gratifying hollowness with zero long term plans aside from keeping yourself from drowning in the stupidity of everyone else, even while you contribute your own fair share.

I mean, the only real obvious storyline, that of a dysfunctional boy and girl, never even comes to fruition! The both interact with similiar people, never meet up, and the end of the movie closes without any finality or even resolution.

You keep asking yourself, "why did that just happen? Was that necessary? How stupid can people really be??"

So really what I'm trying to say was the movie was almost absurdly true to life, and although it will fail absolutely and everyone who sees it will hate it, has managed to capture the essence of at least a good portion of humanity.

I'm glad I live in New York though.

Even though everyone takes themselves ridiculously seriously, zero accountability is the name of the game, and most of the times when people succeed they do it through personality rather than actual skill, all the same at least it promotes itself as an intelligent city that values creativity...

Though to be honest, the smugness of new york in how assured it is of its place as the mecca of arts and intelligence can be a bit grating. Most of manhatten produces *nothing* of any real worth any longer, serving essentially as a massive isolated community of the increasingly wealthy, and the people that actual have the need to be creative are shoved into areas surrounding manhatten (or in the upper destitute areas), places where they don't really want to be and are not really wanted either.

I'd imagine that cities where there is a desperate need to prove themselves as having ideas and inspiration will continue to rise towards the surface, invevitably overtaking new york and leaving it behind as a place where people can go to galleries that have managed to exist only because a few art dealers are willing to buy out the entire place for the sole sake of reselling them at even more absurd prices, while the new cities actually have people that create and appreciate art and entertainment not because of what it could be, but because of what it is.

...

or not.

Maybe it's time for america to just wallow in its own juices for a few more years before bottoming up.

Oh hey, I'm gonna go visit canada in early august!

yay!

In complete opposition to my previous posts about work and sacrifice, the last few days have been been saturated with clubbing, dancing, and general sociability.

I give myself a break because it's the summer, but at the same time I'm thankful I've got my job at the eds lab. No matter what else, I can rely on that to force me to sit in an un-air conditioned room and stare at my tablet screen until I start drawing.

phew.

Anyways, I've also come to the conclusion that I can really only bring myself to enjoy myself in a dancing situation when I absolutely know that nobody else gives a shit what I do or how I do it.

To be honest most of the time people probably don't care really either, but the important thing is how aware I am of them or not.

Dancing... is fun.

In the right environment, with the right people, with the right mindset.

Thank you lesbian woman who I have forgotten the name of but who I remember fondly... you taught me something that everyone else had failed at doing.

Oh~

also my comic is finally coming underway. Again.

I've written the first five pages up, starting story-boarding the first two, and actually feel like I'm making some mental progress as well.

I've made very silly names for my characters that I'll probably end up changing...

but, I mean, I don't have to either. Silly names can work if they fit the characters well enough. Hell, silly names can be more memorable than normal ones.

yeah.

so there.

anyways, I only have a feeble offering of doodles to offer you today...

but!

I'll also give you a link to a guy I don't know except in a sort of strange internet "we both go to the same site" kind of way.

But I love love love his work. Man. Totally gonna make my own shit look crappier. oh well.

http://gratuitouscandy.blogspot.com/

(oh, and dan, that's molly wearing iron man's helmet as a hat. it was a request. haha...)

I need some mental stimulation.

My brain goes in loops while I'm drawing, I barely read anything anymore, and I find myself having conversations that are simply repetitions of previous conversations.

So... a good place to begin would be to actually start reading again.

Less sleep.

Cut out the last vestiges of games.

Less internet... (something I've managed to somehow form a chemical addiction to...)

More hours at the labs. (absolute freedom while getting paid. yay!)

...

Also I've gotta get rid of my excess camera lenses. Just sitting there. Taunting me. STARING.

Ah well.

draw draw draw.

Talking about the future briefly today with a friend (the immediate future, not the "everyone is immortal and robots rule the planet" future) and I was somewhat thrilled/disheartened to see that I wanted/expected to be someone who had to work so hard to make ends meet that everything else would end up fading away.

Not work three jobs a day hard (although that is a definite possibility) I mean that I'll have to work my ass off at drawing to the point where I'll have virtually no friends outside of co-workers (and since I'll probably be freelance...), will no longer travel at all, and possibly won't even have time for a significant other.

Now, this is a bit on the silly side. In actuality I don't see it getting to the point where I need to become a complete social hermit that never takes a break...

but I *want* to become that. Some part of me wishes I could flip a switch and simply work. Nonstop.

To improve endlessly, never being happy with what I do, but enjoying the exploration more than the final pieces.

Maybe it's just escapism talking? But I've felt this desire growing in me steadily for years now. And I do work harder, and longer than ever before.

And it really is the process that is enjoyable to me now. The final piece can be nice to look at for a few minutes, but inevitably is backed up and forgotten about unless needed.

...

I don't know, I guess I'm drawing alot this summer. Not nearly enough though.

And after all, this is the final summer.

Then I'm free of the seemingly eternal womb of education I've been in since pre-school.

Though I guess real education begins then? Eh, less expensive textbooks anyways.

Guess I'll end on some unfinished pictures.

(um... yay continuity with characters?)

fourth of july!

(yeah, not drawn, but ah well, at least I took em.)

I dunno lol

Well I'm currently sick and had a long day at work (although this long day consisted of me sitting on my ass and drawing), but at least I got some drawing done, although as usual not yet finished.

Also... three days ago? I went out to peter's 21'st b-day, which was long, awesome, and resulted in me winding up with pain in my skull the next day.

Also, we managed to end up at a strip joint even though by that point we had lost peter...

I was distracted at the time, but I remember an aura of Sad mixed with Acceptance.

sort of read/slept through the next day... why do I always get sick so damn abruptly? I'd like to at least have some warning.

You know, I never really write about specific people on this blog because those sort of things always seem so silly in retrospect, and even if you mean them as a sort of generalization of a certain type of character the people in question almost always seem to take them personally.

All the same I would love to write more at length about the various personality types that fill my (and I'm sure everybody's) life.

... maybe something more anonymous?

hmm.

So I'm finally getting my summer started after taking a month and a half of classes.

Which, in all honesty weren't so bad, but they sort of drained me enough to stop me from actually getting much work done on my comic.

And goddamn I'm excited for it!

Talking with Alex a bit today, and just discussing exactly what underlying themes I should have in my mind as I approached writing it out.

So far the dominant ones would be moral ambiguity, moralism in general, unpaid debts, and the overarching one of humanity's lost humanity.

In large part this would be an exploration of character types in the context of each other, each of whom at first would represent a certain way of approaching life, but over time and through contact with other characters will have that way of thinking polluted and twisted. Can't forget something you've really learned, no matter how much you would prefer to still think the old way...

The main protagonist will be a near omnipotent male (well, looks male anyways). His coming to earth X amount of years ago will be the catalyst for virtually all the other story lines in the larger story.

He's not an asshole per se, but he is absolutely morally ambiguous. All his actions are done in the context of him and him alone, and whether he harms or hurts other people, places, or things is of no consequence to him.

The secondary main protagonist will be a young girl, probably around 10 ~ 12 years old. She is accompanied by an exo suit which she wears most of the time. This suit has the intelligence level of a smart dog, but doesn't act act in any kind of dog like ways. It simply knows basic things like owner, pain, enemy, etc.

This young girl has, in the beginning of the story, a very strong moral compass. She knows what she wants, and how to get it. She is able to unite herself with the main protagonist because she has information that he needs to get what he wants. Namely, he wants pieces of himself that have been consumed by various powerful humans from around the world, and she wants to have these said humans killed or knocked from power.

These humans are called High Fathers. Rulers of floating city states, they have augmented powers, manifestations of their own inner psyche caused by consuming the body of the main protagonist when he first fell to earth. They rule with iron fists (almost literally, as they each have millions of peace keeping bots under their control). However they *do* manage to keep peace in their individual cities, and these cities are composed of tens of millions of people. These floating cities are essentially utopias in what would otherwise be a dystopian landscape.

The young girl wants to have these rulers disposed of because they are immensely powerful, limit individual freedom on a massive scale, and essentially view themselves as near to godliness (in some cases actually viewing themselves as gods). However after a few of them have been taken down by her and the male protagonist, she will begin to be aware of the massive amount of destruction they are leaving behind.

Power struggles resulting in the hundreds of thousands of deaths, burning mega cities, even more corrupt and terrifying leaders, and a complete abolishment of the fragile utopian societies that existed under the former all powerful leaders.

As she attempts to deal with this she realizes that her ally of necessity really just doesn't give a shit. He will continue on his path of re collecting himself no matter who is crushed along the way, and tells her as much.

...

Anyways, there's quite a few other characters that will have some important story arcs, much of what happens is being controlled by someone who the reader won't see for some time, and things will likely get much more complicated before they get simple.

But I really just want to draw this world out! Breath life into people, places, and things, and see how they interact with one another.

Also the idea of how to deal with our own desires when they directly conflict with the desires or well being of others. At what point does the self take a back seat to the needs of others? Some would argue almost immediately, others might say almost never.

Hmm, I'll have to write out a script too, but at least the local is becoming fleshed out in my head, and I'm starting to get a much better feel for how things are going to fall out.

...

and here are some quick character sketches!

(more secondary characters coming soon...)