RETURN OF "THE THING".

Mr. Meyers would be so proud.

In other news...

I'm awesome!

*High Five!*

Dooms and 'Bot go exploring!

Horay!

sadly my tablet is back at the factory...

so I guess I'll do some doodles for you at the labs?

I'm tired now.

but I'll edit this post and actually write something tomorrow morning.

ta

EDIT:

wait, I totally lied there.

So in light of the current state of my brain I'm thinking about performing a small lobotomy.

I'm sure removing about quarter of it wouldn't change too much about me anyways.

And even if it did, at that point would I even really care?

Anyways, it's not like my hands don't do most of my work independently from my mind these days anyways. I'll just give them a few of my old sketchbooks and they can go at it. Hell I've got enough creative friends, I'm sure they wouldn't mind tossing them a bone from time to time.

zero higher brain functions = total peace of mind.

and that's always a good thing right?

*cronch cronch cronch* Half sugar, half wheat.

Don't have to wait till tomorrow.

Three hydrogen bombs, scythe made of a friends metal bones, a virus with the idea of god in his mind and the power to match, and Offertorium: Domine Jesu playing in the background.

All sites down.

...

*pang*

8 hours, 7.5 to give.

Are you trying to prove something with eyes like that?

You want a taxi? Haha. YOU WANT TAXI?

Fuck. Wipe eyes, wipe nose. Breathe out slow.

Well this is a hollow happiness isn't it?

Didn't I just talk about not doing this? Can't even stop myself.

Keep dreaming about traveling. But although the place is always beautiful I keep being preoccupied with the stupid detail of getting there.

friends. Friends.

As you read, judging. Or not maybe.

A tiny circle with an outer metal ring, and a peg in the middle. The peg is very small. A frictionless ball bearing sits snugly, but not tightly, in between the peg and the inner wall inside of the circle. It starts to move quickly around the peg in one direction. At a certain speed it cannot be stopped.

A two dimensional letter.

Knowing *exactly* what to do, and then not having the willpower to do it.

toothbrushes. guh.

Three fingers at the back of the throat.

Wake up every day with the weight of dreams forcing me to dwell.

...

This has been three minutes of typing muddled memories for your enjoyment, and for something else probably.

Just got back from visiting Dan in upstate new york land.

Pretty fucking awesome place man.

Black sand beaches are always cool (although the sand does get pretty hot), and rollercoasters on that scale? woah.

Alex came, we saw the dark night with a few of Dan's buddies, and just sort of wandered around (in between beaches and rollercoasters).

Great movie, very relaxing time, interesting people, and now back to work and some more drawing.

I've gotta wake up pretty soon so I'll just leave it at that.

Oosh. Just ended a workday that went from 5 pm - 12 am, and now I'm going to have to wake up in a few hours to do one from 8:30 am - 2 pm.

Not terrible by any means, but I become strangely tired during and after.

What I find funny is that people get so upset over how their own life is going, worrying and fretting about the tiniest things, and somehow manage to completely tune out all the truly terrible things that happen to those around them, especially when it comes to people they don't really know.

I guess everybody does it and there's no way around it, but a little perspective now and then would probably do us all a world of good.


to illustrate that point, here is something absolutely random.

Woke up at eight to go to work, worked till five (with a headache throughout), got home, fell asleep till nine, went to the city and watched a movie with my dad till twelve.

Really disjointed feeling. But wow. What an amazing nap. Just, wow.

The movie was about some adult teenagers and some teenage adults slumming around in L.A. Everyone came across as incredibly obnoxious and overbearing, and for the life of me I could not tell what the hell the movie was trying to get across.

The only person that was "punished" by the end of the movie was a slightly nice guy who was still fucking creepy at multiple parts thoughout the film. All the other characters, creepy, inane, immature, narcissistic... they all end up more or less the same at the end.

Apparently everyone lives in this eternal state of self gratifying hollowness with zero long term plans aside from keeping yourself from drowning in the stupidity of everyone else, even while you contribute your own fair share.

I mean, the only real obvious storyline, that of a dysfunctional boy and girl, never even comes to fruition! The both interact with similiar people, never meet up, and the end of the movie closes without any finality or even resolution.

You keep asking yourself, "why did that just happen? Was that necessary? How stupid can people really be??"

So really what I'm trying to say was the movie was almost absurdly true to life, and although it will fail absolutely and everyone who sees it will hate it, has managed to capture the essence of at least a good portion of humanity.

I'm glad I live in New York though.

Even though everyone takes themselves ridiculously seriously, zero accountability is the name of the game, and most of the times when people succeed they do it through personality rather than actual skill, all the same at least it promotes itself as an intelligent city that values creativity...

Though to be honest, the smugness of new york in how assured it is of its place as the mecca of arts and intelligence can be a bit grating. Most of manhatten produces *nothing* of any real worth any longer, serving essentially as a massive isolated community of the increasingly wealthy, and the people that actual have the need to be creative are shoved into areas surrounding manhatten (or in the upper destitute areas), places where they don't really want to be and are not really wanted either.

I'd imagine that cities where there is a desperate need to prove themselves as having ideas and inspiration will continue to rise towards the surface, invevitably overtaking new york and leaving it behind as a place where people can go to galleries that have managed to exist only because a few art dealers are willing to buy out the entire place for the sole sake of reselling them at even more absurd prices, while the new cities actually have people that create and appreciate art and entertainment not because of what it could be, but because of what it is.

...

or not.

Maybe it's time for america to just wallow in its own juices for a few more years before bottoming up.

Oh hey, I'm gonna go visit canada in early august!

yay!

In complete opposition to my previous posts about work and sacrifice, the last few days have been been saturated with clubbing, dancing, and general sociability.

I give myself a break because it's the summer, but at the same time I'm thankful I've got my job at the eds lab. No matter what else, I can rely on that to force me to sit in an un-air conditioned room and stare at my tablet screen until I start drawing.

phew.

Anyways, I've also come to the conclusion that I can really only bring myself to enjoy myself in a dancing situation when I absolutely know that nobody else gives a shit what I do or how I do it.

To be honest most of the time people probably don't care really either, but the important thing is how aware I am of them or not.

Dancing... is fun.

In the right environment, with the right people, with the right mindset.

Thank you lesbian woman who I have forgotten the name of but who I remember fondly... you taught me something that everyone else had failed at doing.

Oh~

also my comic is finally coming underway. Again.

I've written the first five pages up, starting story-boarding the first two, and actually feel like I'm making some mental progress as well.

I've made very silly names for my characters that I'll probably end up changing...

but, I mean, I don't have to either. Silly names can work if they fit the characters well enough. Hell, silly names can be more memorable than normal ones.

yeah.

so there.

anyways, I only have a feeble offering of doodles to offer you today...

but!

I'll also give you a link to a guy I don't know except in a sort of strange internet "we both go to the same site" kind of way.

But I love love love his work. Man. Totally gonna make my own shit look crappier. oh well.

http://gratuitouscandy.blogspot.com/

(oh, and dan, that's molly wearing iron man's helmet as a hat. it was a request. haha...)

I need some mental stimulation.

My brain goes in loops while I'm drawing, I barely read anything anymore, and I find myself having conversations that are simply repetitions of previous conversations.

So... a good place to begin would be to actually start reading again.

Less sleep.

Cut out the last vestiges of games.

Less internet... (something I've managed to somehow form a chemical addiction to...)

More hours at the labs. (absolute freedom while getting paid. yay!)

...

Also I've gotta get rid of my excess camera lenses. Just sitting there. Taunting me. STARING.

Ah well.

draw draw draw.

Talking about the future briefly today with a friend (the immediate future, not the "everyone is immortal and robots rule the planet" future) and I was somewhat thrilled/disheartened to see that I wanted/expected to be someone who had to work so hard to make ends meet that everything else would end up fading away.

Not work three jobs a day hard (although that is a definite possibility) I mean that I'll have to work my ass off at drawing to the point where I'll have virtually no friends outside of co-workers (and since I'll probably be freelance...), will no longer travel at all, and possibly won't even have time for a significant other.

Now, this is a bit on the silly side. In actuality I don't see it getting to the point where I need to become a complete social hermit that never takes a break...

but I *want* to become that. Some part of me wishes I could flip a switch and simply work. Nonstop.

To improve endlessly, never being happy with what I do, but enjoying the exploration more than the final pieces.

Maybe it's just escapism talking? But I've felt this desire growing in me steadily for years now. And I do work harder, and longer than ever before.

And it really is the process that is enjoyable to me now. The final piece can be nice to look at for a few minutes, but inevitably is backed up and forgotten about unless needed.

...

I don't know, I guess I'm drawing alot this summer. Not nearly enough though.

And after all, this is the final summer.

Then I'm free of the seemingly eternal womb of education I've been in since pre-school.

Though I guess real education begins then? Eh, less expensive textbooks anyways.

Guess I'll end on some unfinished pictures.

(um... yay continuity with characters?)

fourth of july!

(yeah, not drawn, but ah well, at least I took em.)

I dunno lol