so close to mass e-mailing for internships next semester.

still a few final tweaks to make.

...

In the past I always tried to balance my social time with my work time, and although I wasn't always great at doing so I really did try to make things work out both ways.

But now I can't do that anymore.

I'm not just saying that I'm choosing not to, I'm saying that it's really getting harder and harder for me to spend time *not* doing work.

I still enjoy going out (hypothetically), and I still enjoy relaxing, but there's a constant gnawing at the back of my mind now.

A perfect example is when I go home to visit my parents every other week or so (every month?).

I love seeing them, the house is beautiful, the conversation is good, the food is delicious, and the bed is comfortable.

And I stress the entire time I'm there.

...

And when I come across as distant or uncaring it's only because my brain and day is kinda overclocked as it is...

and if I let you down I swear I never meant to.

But.

I'm only going to get worse.

I'm going to *try* as hard as I can to get worse.

It's really the only way I'm going to be happy with my work and where I'm going with everything.

:c

...

happy halloween dudes and dudettes.

hmm...

two things I should do in order to help this blog/my own memory.

Start writing things down as they come to me in a sketchbook (guess I can cram them around my doodles), and start doing these posts earlier than four oclock in the morning.

yes.

I'll do that.

Also, isn't it annoying how everything you experience that has any kind of meaning or depth to it has been experienced before by billions of people and will be experienced by billions more after you?

I mean, whether it's a good experience or a bad one, the chances of it being "unique" are impossible nowadays, and even if circumstantially it's never been done before (walking on the moon or some such thing) even then the *feelings* at that moment in you have definitely been felt before.

Wouldn't it be nice to think, do, or feel something that is absolutely fresh and unique to you alone, and would never be recreated afterwards no matter how many people tried?

I think it'd be nice.

I've got a HILARIOUS story about how I'm losing my mind to tell.

But exhaustion is setting in, and I'm sure I'll tell it better if I'm not falling asleep at the monitor.

So here are some doodles I did for fun yesterday.

yaaaaa~y.

I was going to go on a rant about my ridiculous need for a long life, or even an infinite life If I had my way, and how that desire has shaped what I do (or don't do).

But then I thought better of it.

But I will say that I don't think that I'm exactly afraid of death.

It's more that I feel powerless to stop it, and that annoys me to no end.

Also, the fact that it can come at anytime is very much like a friend (or younger brother) that says he'll get you back for some perceived injustice you've done, only he won't tell you when or where, just that it *will* happen.

...

I was thinking of Samantha today, or rather the carpool I used to take with her when we were kids.

There must be so many other people who have so many more varied and detailed, true, memories of her than I do.

But that memory of the carpool, from the perspective of a child, is one that only me and her shared.

A stupid splinter of a memory that to me is representative of an entire person.

.

anyways, here's a picture for an editorial piece on poppies.

an epiphany.

Being the sort of person that tries to analyze (or overanalyze) most of what he does, I've found that there's always been a question that I couldn't seem to answer about myself, and annoyingly it's one that should be pretty simple.

the question being; Why is it that I find myself attracted towards certain people, and not towards others, seeing as this attraction doesn't seem to follow any particular kind of body, face, mind, personality, or even interest.

In other words, what is "my type"?

For a long time I've simply gone with "I like the crazy ones."

And while that certainly seems more true than less, at the same time there's plenty of crazy people that I meet that are immediately offputting, even if they have other attractive virtues as well.

I also thought for awhile that I was attracted to total opposites. Again, this has been true at times, but has also been very untrue at other times. (I think it's mostly just the fact that I find it easier to meet people that are different than me than similar...)

And then, while listening to "The Steep Approach to Garbadale" by Iain Banks (so far kind of disappointing actually. Alot of talk about interfamilial company relationships and not enough people slowly descending into madness.) it hit me.

I'm attracted, first and foremost, by the feeling of "Promise".

...

"Promise" being in this case a feeling that, no matter what it takes, this person has the potential to claw their way up and through any and all odds to some great and perhaps unreachable thing.

That might seem kind of vague, and it is.

It definitely does not include everyone that seeks grandeur, fame, wealth or prestige. In fact, in large part it excludes most of them.

Being famous is not a "great thing", and neither is being wealthy.

I found myself shaken when talking to a friend over the summer as she went on about the importance of money even over personal motivation and dreams.

and In contrast I find myself excited when I see people continue to plow forwards, tirelessly, even as everything else they have comes crashing down around them.

Unseen incompetence is a complete turn off, as are empty self promises, both of which can be misleading.

this "Promise" can be seen or unseen by the person it's in. I guess I'm really only attracted when I can feel it as well.

uh.

but yeah.

Honestly I don't see that epiphany changing anything in how I approach life.

But dammit if it doesn't make me happier knowing it.

...

Also my kitten Niki whistles a bit when she sleeps.

:O

I am le tired.

I also have no idea what everything in life is leading up to, but I have become convinced that everything that has happened so far in my life has been fairly purposeful (pretty much disregarding whether I wanted it or not) so I guess I can figure that the rest is going to have some kind of purpose as well.

With that in mind, I'm just going to aim my brow at the things I want most, and hope that I'm not completely swept off course.

Or, rather when that probably does happen, that the new course will somehow be more favorable than the old.

...

PICTURES!

FOR SCHOOL AND MY BROTHER!

AND A FLASH WEBSITE THAT'S NOT REALLY DONE AND I DID IT IN A DAY BUT I'M STILL PRETTY HAPPY WITH IT!

ALSO MY KITTIES!

http://mysite.pratt.edu/~hbogosia/hw1/

This week was bananas.

I haven't felt so rushed in a long time.

But.

It's over now, so it's time to go visit my parents, head up to new jersey, and maybe even throw a few shrimp on a barbie.

...

So I kind of love History of Illustration class. If just because it is incredibly depressing, but *filled* with the most eye opening masters of illustration from throughout the last few hundred years.

I mean, holy crap. The great masters of the fine arts had NOTHING on these guys.

I kid you not.

...

And because of that, I think I'm finally going to start studying them.

I mean, really sit down, crack open some old illustration books, and see what makes these hundred year old pictures tick.

Hell, I'm the product of the future after all...

(and on a somewhat related/unrelated note, here are some 90 second and multi minute long figure drawings, as well as two quick sketch ideas for class)

wagh.

It's been a week already?

I was sure that I had updated...

Well, in any case, time has been moving at an insane rate for me recently.

I kind of feel like my old hour is the new day.

I have under two months until this semester ends and it feels like a week or so away.

What's really terrifying about this is that soon my pleasant educational cove is going to flush me out to sea.

And it's not that I mind all the terrifying monstrosities, pirates, weather and schenanigans I'm likely to run into out there...

I just kinda hate swimming in cold water.

but uh...

yeah.

Give or take a few hours of sleep, things could not be going better.

My color and line brain muscles are pumping up, learning a shitton about the business side of things, and producing work that I really feel represents where I am right now. (whatever that means)

Good things are happening socially, although work of course takes the priority, and my audio books are starting to make me think linguistically in the style of 1800's Britain.

My kitties are purring pretty much nonstop nowadays, and although they take a mean shit I usually manage to toss it out before it starts befouling the air.

mm.

If I could have one thing right now that I don't...

it would bee...

Ah. A whole day to just nap on the couch with no interruptions with a kitty purring on my chest.

But, oh well, i'll take that in half hour chunks if I have to.

(unfinished pictures are GO!)