an epiphany.

Being the sort of person that tries to analyze (or overanalyze) most of what he does, I've found that there's always been a question that I couldn't seem to answer about myself, and annoyingly it's one that should be pretty simple.

the question being; Why is it that I find myself attracted towards certain people, and not towards others, seeing as this attraction doesn't seem to follow any particular kind of body, face, mind, personality, or even interest.

In other words, what is "my type"?

For a long time I've simply gone with "I like the crazy ones."

And while that certainly seems more true than less, at the same time there's plenty of crazy people that I meet that are immediately offputting, even if they have other attractive virtues as well.

I also thought for awhile that I was attracted to total opposites. Again, this has been true at times, but has also been very untrue at other times. (I think it's mostly just the fact that I find it easier to meet people that are different than me than similar...)

And then, while listening to "The Steep Approach to Garbadale" by Iain Banks (so far kind of disappointing actually. Alot of talk about interfamilial company relationships and not enough people slowly descending into madness.) it hit me.

I'm attracted, first and foremost, by the feeling of "Promise".

...

"Promise" being in this case a feeling that, no matter what it takes, this person has the potential to claw their way up and through any and all odds to some great and perhaps unreachable thing.

That might seem kind of vague, and it is.

It definitely does not include everyone that seeks grandeur, fame, wealth or prestige. In fact, in large part it excludes most of them.

Being famous is not a "great thing", and neither is being wealthy.

I found myself shaken when talking to a friend over the summer as she went on about the importance of money even over personal motivation and dreams.

and In contrast I find myself excited when I see people continue to plow forwards, tirelessly, even as everything else they have comes crashing down around them.

Unseen incompetence is a complete turn off, as are empty self promises, both of which can be misleading.

this "Promise" can be seen or unseen by the person it's in. I guess I'm really only attracted when I can feel it as well.

uh.

but yeah.

Honestly I don't see that epiphany changing anything in how I approach life.

But dammit if it doesn't make me happier knowing it.

...

Also my kitten Niki whistles a bit when she sleeps.