gah.

It is much, much harder to remember my dreams upon waking up than I had previously thought.

the really annoying thing is that I remember them in a flash just upon starting to shower, only to completely forget most of them by the end of the same shower.

Still, I have to sleep a few hours a night anyways, so I might as well keep trying.

...

My business and freelancing teacher made an interesting observation about me while we were working out various weaknesses people in the class had during negotiations (as well as during normal discussion).

Whereas most people became shy, fidgety, or stalled for time during moments where they felt uneasy or the balance of power was shifted, as is the case in most interviews, I displayed a few very different traits.

I was told that I became "naked".

As in, without any kind of filter, I simply said what I was thinking, pushing forwards regardless of whether or not it hurt or helped me.

Ontop of this I was also told that I downplayed my accomplishments and work whenever I could, undercutting what could otherwise be a strong stance even before the other person would have a chance to scrutinize them.

The teacher said that while this could be "endearing" the effect of both of those two traits failed to inspire confidence in whatever it was I was selling at that moment, which in most cases would be both my artwork as well as myself.


My teacher saying these things was not a revelation, I've thought about these traits before and tried to control them, half heartedly and unsuccessfully.

But the fact that another person not only noticed them, but pointed them out as well, was very interesting to me.

Why do I feel so embarrassed when I'm praised, or when I feel that someone might be jealous of me?

Why do I feel the need to tell people everything, regardless of whether or not it hurts or helps their opinion of me?

...

and how would people perceive me if i just changed those two things?